Rebellion can be quiet gestures that have a double meaning.
Too often, the message the child is trying to communicate gets lost. Harsh judgement and words are heaped upon them. What looks like naughtiness is a cry for help.
The drawings given to the abuser with a smile.
The hidden toys and belongings – from small trinkets to school uniforms.
Refusing praise – repeatedly getting in trouble for the same thing you asked them not to do.
Clenched fists and jaw.
Sudden acting out – clinging to you, talking constantly or not at all.
The above aren’t necessarily signs of abuse. Rather a message is being sent “I’m scared” or “I’m confused” and this is the best way I know to protect myself.
Creating a safe space to make mistakes is just as important as anything else in learning to grow up.
http://www.amazon.com/Altar-Boy-Hannah-Baston-ebook/dp/B01D4K106K
This is so upsetting. Children need to be allowed to make mistakes. They can’t live in fear of them.
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Mistakes are how we learn. I used to chat to the checkout guy at the grocery store. A big burly guy who loved action movies and tattoos. One of our conversations really stuck with me.
I was asking about his youngest child and if they could walk yet. He frowns and his voice comes out indignant, “He’s doing well. He’s still learning.”
Any time I saw him, he was always defending peoples right to make mistakes and learn at their own pace.
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